Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
