Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
