Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
