on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
