Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think my fart just growled at me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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