So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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