I want to make a zoo with you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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