My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
