You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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