He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
