god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
