remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
