Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
