whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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