i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
