The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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