he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
