I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
