id be glad to
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
