I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
