The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Who died my cat blue again?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
