this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We're too hungover to prance.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
