well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
did you just send me my own nude
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
