youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
