you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
