Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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