I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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