do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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