we made out on top of his cat.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
