I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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