First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
