Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
