I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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