There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
