It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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