Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
