I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
