P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
