Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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