I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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