So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
