So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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