***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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