1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
