the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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