i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
