I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
