My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
