Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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