Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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