The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
