i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
