I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
