Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
